Listening: The Hidden Strength of Those Who Express

Author’s Note: I didn’t expect listening to be the skill that would shape my work — as a filmmaker, teacher, actor, and sometimes even a salesperson. But again and again, I found that when I really listened — on set, in class, in conversation — something shifted. This piece is a reflection on that quiet power: how listening holds everything together, and how easily we forget it in a world obsessed with performance and presentation.

I wrote this slowly, across a week where I found myself craving silence. If you feel the same, I hope this brings a little space and insight into your day.

I often feel unconfident as a creator. My English isn’t good enough. My story ideas aren’t dramatic enough to grab attention. Even as a university lecturer and English teacher, I often feel like I’m only doing okay — nothing special. I don’t think I am good at lecturing for 90 minutes straight about films. I even got a D on my master’s oral defense because I didn’t talk enough. And the truth is, I am bad at remembering facts. So, despite passing interviews and landing jobs, I never quite believed I could be a good teacher.

Yet, students keep coming back. Some email me again after the semester, sharing how my class has helped them now in their life. Others look for further guidance, or simply want to talk through things. I wondered why. Then one day, my boss told me: “You listen. And you ask real questions. That’s rare.”

Listening as a Way of Learning

I think I first learned to listen deeply at Sarah Lawrence College. In our seminars, we were expected to respond critically to our classmates, not just absorb what the professor said. It made me listen actively — to find gaps, to offer a new perspective. Later, my acting and directing training deepened this. Listening became a reflex. It shaped how I teach, how I create, how I relate.

Recently, I brought this up with my father, who used to be a salesman and now runs his own company. He told me: “Listening is the foundation of sales, too.”

That struck me. Maybe listening isn’t just important in my field — maybe it’s essential everywhere. In what follows, I explore how listening plays a powerful role in teaching, acting, directing, and even selling.

Listening as a Teacher: Teaching the Person, Not the Material

Maybe because of my education at Sarah Lawrence, I teach by conversation, not lecture. Instead of preaching with PowerPoint slides, I ask my students: “Given this context, what might have led to that?” or “What if it were the other way around?” Sometimes even, “How did this make you feel?” These questions are invitations. They tell students: I’m here, I’m listening. I want to hear what you think, not just explain what I know.

In my Film Analysis class, I say this directly: “If you have a personal response to the film, or disagree with my view, speak up. Let’s discuss it.” It helps me understand where they are, what they notice, what they miss. That’s how we close the gap: through listening and conversation.

I often ask my students “how do you feel about the film in general?” before our discussion about the techniques. I remember once they told me this about “Fight Club”: “I thought it would be boring because it is a film from the last century, but this is like…wow!” The film totally subverted their expectation. As a lecturer, I suddenly realized that we all hold some false assumptions about others or about a time. It stops us from communicating at the first place. All generations have their false assumptions about the others. Only the gesture of listening will reveal it to you.

One caveat: most of my students are undergrads or professionals with life experience. With younger learners, who haven’t yet found their voice, a different approach may be needed.

Listening as an Actor: Reacting, Not Performing

In acting, we often say: “Great acting is reacting.”

On screen, powerful moments often come not from speaking, but from listening. The camera catches you thinking, absorbing. The emotion shows in the stillness.

An example of great acting with listening from the ending of Cao Baoping's “The Equation of Love and Death"

I remember acting in a scene during my first year of my MFA. I didn’t plan to cry. But when I really listened to my scene partner, be present for her, it happened naturally. My body responded before I could control it. That’s the magic of true listening — your body joins in.

As a director, I now play games with actors to unlock this. Professional actors sometimes become too polished — too rehearsed. Their reactions feel like copy-paste from other roles. With non-actors, it’s the opposite: they’re spontaneous for a few takes, then get mechanical. Either way, I use games to bring them back to presence, to fresh listening.

Listening as a Director: Creating a Space for Discovery

For me, directing isn’t about control. It’s about listening to what’s emerging — in the actor, the space, the moment.

Casting is the first act of listening. I’m not just checking skills — I’m watching how someone speaks about themselves. What words do they use? What do they care about? How do they respond to challenge? How do their bodies speak for them? Every single scar, muscle, wrinkle, curve on their body, shift of tone in your voice speaks a part of their stories. I am listening to all these during casting.

On set, I listen to the actors even when things are chaotic. What’s their energy today? Do they need to shift rhythm? What does the scene really want now, in costume, in light, in motion?

I sometimes change blocking mid-take. Or throw in a new direction on instinct. Young directors often fear this. But I believe: the changes made from deep listening are the ones that make the film.

Listening isn’t static. It’s alive and spontaneous. It invites the unexpected.

Listening in Sales: The Quiet Advantage (Credit to My Dad)

People often think sales is about talking. But nonstop talking often pushes people away. Most people already have too much on their minds: work, kids, bills, health, taxes.

They don’t need more noise. They need someone to listen, especially for those in midlife.

My father used to visit clients door-to-door. But he didn’t open with pitches about his products. He asked: “What’s been bothering you lately? What problems are you facing?” Only after that, he offered a solution.

Listening made people feel safe. It built trust. And once people trust you, they tell you the truth: their budget, their concerns, their limits. From there, you can actually help — by offering the alternatives or co-create a new possibility together.

Listening doesn’t just sell. It serves.

Practices for Deep Listening

Listening isn’t just a mental skill. It’s physical, emotional, intuitive. Here are a few ways to develop it:

1. Mirroring with Delay (Great for dancers, actors, directors) 

Partner moves, you follow with a 2-second delay. This builds physical empathy. Your nervous system starts to feel theirs. For more advanced groups, you can try to do it without any delay and the leader. Two people have to listen to each other carefully and move simultaneously.

2. Emotional Echoes (Actor, director, teacher) 

Repeat what someone says, but reflect the emotion behind it: “You don’t know what to do? Sounds like you’re overwhelmed.”

For teachers, paraphrasing may be more helpful. You repeat what they said with your own words to check if you understand them correctly.

This is about tuning in to what’s underneath the words — fear, longing, joy, pressure.

3. One-Minute Silence 

Sit with someone in silence for one minute, just making eye contact. Observe the details in each other’s presence and appearance, and notice what changed without words.

Actors use this to connect deeply. Directors use it to stay attuned. In teaching, it helps you know when to speak.

4. Allow the Pause 

Ask a question, then wait. Don’t fill the silence. The truth often emerges in the second beat.

5. Improv Games

• Last Word First: One person ends a sentence. The next begins with that last word. Forces deep, anticipatory listening. For example: The first person says “Elementary school.” The second person says: “school teacher.” Keep the pace during the game.

• Gibberish Translation: One person speaks gibberish, the other “translates” their emotional and energetic intention. This is better with in-person demonstration.

• Yes, And: Build on what your partner gives you without negating or interrupting. You will create a shared experience or story together. Example: You can start the game by saying “Do you remember last time we …” You can complete the sentence in your way. And then the other person has to continue: “oh yes, and you ….” Again, complete it in your way.

Listening as a Creative Act

We’re taught how to present: be clear, be confident, use visuals, manage your voice. But the foundation beneath all that is something simpler:

Listening.

Listening is the thread that connects my work as a teacher, actor, director, and storyteller. When I listen deeply, everything else aligns. New paths open. The work breathes.

In a noisy world, listening is not passive. It is a radical act of creation.